8 Self-APPROVAL Tips that Boost Your Confidence
By Dr. Scott Zarcinas | Author, Doctor, Spiritual Coach
The Problem with Low Self-Approval and Low Confidence
When we lack self-approval and confidence, we may feel like we are not good enough or not clever enough, which can make us hesitate to take action towards our goals and dreams.
These feelings of inadequacy can be a major obstacle to spiritual growth and self-improvement. When we don’t have confidence in ourselves, we may not take risks or try new things for fear of failing. This can prevent us from learning and growing, and from discovering new things about ourselves and the world around us.
Furthermore, these feelings can have negative impacts on our mental health and wellbeing.
Research has shown that low self-approval and confidence are linked to a variety of negative outcomes, including anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem (Orth & Robins, 2014).
When you don’t feel good about yourself, you may struggle with feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and despair.
You may then seek approval and self-worth through external validation rather than internal validation. Your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours will therefore reflect this attitude, which will become needy and self-serving.
You will increasingly value ‘doing’ over ‘being’. As such, you will find yourself becoming extremely competitive, filled with the constant desire to win at all costs.
This happens because your sense of identity and self-worth will be dependent on your desire for superiority over others.
When you win and you’re the top dog, you feel great. But when you don’t win it feels as though a bottomless pit has opened in the ground and you have fallen into it.
This is why many who seem outwardly confident are actually covering up a deep sense of insecurity.
The Problem of Perfection
Feelings of not being clever enough or not being good enough may also drive you to the unending search for perfectionism.
Perfectionism is a mindset that involves setting excessively high standards for oneself and striving for flawlessness in everything one does.
While this may seem like a positive trait, it can actually be a major obstacle to spiritual growth and personal success. When we constantly strive for perfection, we set ourselves up for failure and disappointment because perfection is an unattainable goal.
This means perfectionism is a false ideal because, first of all, there’s no such thing, so you’ll always be chasing a phantom and worshiping an illusion. This leads to feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, and a lack of confidence in our abilities.
Second, perfectionism gets in the way of being effective. It’s also exhausting trying to become something that you cannot ever achieve and reach an end goal that keeps on moving further out of reach.
Furthermore, we may become so focused on getting everything perfect that we fail to take any action at all, or we may spend an excessive amount of time on small details and miss out on the big picture.
Perfectionism is therefore a barrier to your effectiveness and success. It gets in the way because there will always be something more you can do to be perfect, and thus it becomes a distraction from getting on with what you should really be doing. If you’re not careful, perfectionism can become an unintentional cause of procrastination.
This can lead to missed opportunities and a lack of progress towards your goals.
Self-Created Problems
Research has shown that perfectionism is linked to a variety of negative outcomes, including anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem (Sironić & Vulić-Prtorić, 2015).
As Eckhart Tolle once said,
“The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.”
I too have fallen many times into the trap of perfectionism, and every time I do so it is invariably because of my lack of feeling good enough or my fear of not being accepted. In my early years of writing, I could spend ages deciding on the use of a comma. Should I put it in? Should I take it out?
Then I’d make a decision to put the comma in, only to suffer a gnawing doubt of whether or not it was the right decision. Then I’d delete the comma, satisfied that the sentence read much better, only to agonise over whether I should have left it in or not. I in fact edited the opening page of my medical thriller, Ananda, 17 times.
Probably more than that, actually; 17 was when I’d had enough and stopped counting how many times I edited the first page.
Silly, really, when I look back on it, but that’s how perfectionism can slow you down and get in the way of being effective.
The Benefits of Building Self-Worth and Aligning with Your Life Purpose
On the other hand, building self-approval and boosting self-confidence can have many benefits.
When we approve of ourselves and feel confident in our abilities, we are more likely to take risks, pursue our goals, and form meaningful connections with others. This can lead to a greater sense of fulfillment and happiness in life.
In fact, a study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that self-esteem, which is closely related to self-approval and self-confidence, is a significant predictor of life satisfaction and well-being (Orth, Robins, & Widaman, 2012).
The main benefits of healthy levels of self-approval and confidence are threefold:
1. A greater sense of personal growth and self-improvement.
When we have a healthy level of self-approval and confidence, we are more likely to take on challenges that may have previously intimidated us. We are less likely to be held back by fear or anxiety, and more likely to approach new experiences with an open mind and a positive attitude.
This can lead to a greater sense of personal growth and self-improvement, as we push ourselves outside of our comfort zones and develop new skills and abilities.
2. A greater sense of belonging.
Having a strong sense of self-approval and confidence can also lead to better relationships with others. When we feel good about ourselves, we are more likely to attract positive people into our lives and form meaningful connections with them.
This can lead to a greater sense of belonging and social support, which are important factors in overall well-being and happiness.
3. A greater ability to manage stress and adversity.
Additionally, building self-approval and boosting self-confidence can lead to a more positive outlook on life. When we feel good about ourselves and our abilities, we are more likely to see the world in a positive light and appreciate the good things in life.
This can help us to manage stress and adversity more effectively, as we approach challenges with a more optimistic and proactive mindset.
Overall, building self-approval and boosting self-confidence can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying life. By learning to value and approve of ourselves, we can unlock our full potential and live up to our own aspirations.
This can lead to greater success in both personal and professional domains, as we approach life with greater courage, determination, and positivity.
Soul Identity: The Best Way to Build Self-Approval and Boost Your Confidence
To build self-approval and boost self-confidence that is solid and steadfast, the best way I know is to embrace your soul identity, who you really are.
Your soul identity is your true self. The spiritual being that wears your mind, body, and emotions like layers of clothing.
Your soul identity is your permanent self, that Divine part of you that is unchanging and ever-present.
Like an acorn holds all the DNA information required to grow into a mighty oak tree, your soul identity holds all the ‘spiritual DNA’ information you need to grow into the person you were meant to become.
Within the acorn is all the potential of its future self, everything the future oak tree will ever need to fulfill its purpose—to be a tree. Likewise, your soul identity holds all the potential of your future self, everything you will ever need to fulfill your life purpose—to be you.
Therefore, once you embrace your soul identity—your spiritual ‘who’—your why, what, and how automatically unfold with clarity and confidence.
When you know who you really are, what you are meant to do and why you are meant to do it becomes self-evident.
Practical Steps to Align with Your Soul Identity
Here are some practical steps you can take to become aware of your soul identity, align with it, and embody it:
- Identify your strengths: Take some time to reflect on your strengths and find ways to use them more in your daily life. These tend to be the talents you were born with, the unique talents of your soul identity.
- Set aligned goals: Set goals that are aligned with your ‘spiritual DNA’ and will nurture your growth into the person you were meant to be.
- Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. You are here to remember who you are and grow from that source, not berate yourself for failing.
- Challenge negative self-talk: When negative thoughts and self-talk arise, challenge them. Replace them with positive affirmations and self-talk that align with your soul identity.
- Take care of your physical health: Exercise regularly, eat healthy foods, and get enough sleep. Taking care of your physical health is also taking care of your spiritual health.
- Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your soulful qualities, such as peace, joy, abundance, health, love. These are the essence of who you really are.
- Surround yourself with positive people: Surround yourself with people who support and encourage your spiritual journey. Avoid people who bring you down or make you feel bad about yourself. Especially those who deny your spiritual self.
- Celebrate your growth: Celebrate your spiritual growth, no matter how small the steps may be. You are on a journey of awakening to your true self.
Knowing your soul identity feeds your self-belief. The more self-belief you have about who you really are, the more you will believe you can do what you were born to do (i.e. your life purpose).
The more you believe you can fulfill your life purpose, the more courage and confidence you have to face down any fears and surmount any obstacles along your path.
Take these steps to embrace your soul identity and see what a difference it can make to your self-approval and self-belief.
Below are 8 tips to help you do this.
8 Self-APPROVAL Tips for Your Soul Identity
#1: ACKNOWLEDGE that your soul identity is your real self, not your body, or your mind, or your emotions.
#2: PRACTICE mindfulness every day to become more aware of your spiritual self.
#3: PUT one foot ahead of the other along your spiritual path, because stagnation is the enemy of the soul.
#4: REMEMBER your soul identity every day by reflecting on at least 1 quality that will bring you nearer to it.
#5: OPEN your heart to Divine love and close your mind to negative self-talk.
#6: VALUE your soul identity by valuing who you are, what you do, why you do it, and how you do it.
#7: ALIGN your actions with your soul identity.
#8: LIVE as if who you are is important—because you are.
